Thirty-one years of wild requests, screwy questions, bizarre behavior and outrageous demands have left me with a permanent twitch and an uncontrollable craving for chocolate. Don’t get me wrong. Working as a 9-1-1 dispatcher can be very rewarding. BUT – some days I felt like the whole world was nuts and Christmas brings out all the freaks.
Instead of exchanging gifts with family and friends, I got to deal with reality and reality sucks. Take this call for example:
“I need to find Grandma’s house,” a drunken idiot said. Digging for my supply of Tylenol, I responded, “Sir, 9-1-1 is for life threatening emergencies. We don’t give directions.” The drunken fool cried, “You’re 9-1-1 you know everything.” Wonder where he got that idea? “Sir, I have no idea where your Grandmother’s house is.” He sputtered in surprise, “You don’t? But… But I’m late for the party!” The guy was really starting to annoy the hell out of me, “Why don’t you pull over and I’ll have a nice officer come and help.” Yeah, right to jail, you moron, driving while intoxicated is against the law. “Okay, thanks.” “My pleasure and have a merry Christmas.”
Downing a handful of Tylenol, I answered another call and could hear people screaming blue bloody murder. “9-1-1 emergency, what is your emergency? Hello?”
An out-of-breath woman cried, “We need the cops. My three brothers are fighting over the wishbone.” Not quite sure I had heard her correctly, I repeated, “They’re fighting over a wishbone?” There was a loud crash and the woman shrieked, “Omigod! They just knocked Santa out the window, please hurry.” I quickly typed the information in. “Ma’am does any of your brothers have a weapon?” The woman shouted, “What kind of stupid question is that?” One I need answered, sweetie. “Ma’am, I need to know if any of your brothers are armed with a weapon.” She huffed, “Just get someone out here before Rex gets his chain saw started.” “Chain saw? Hello?” The line was dead. The moral to this story is; the family that fights together gets to go to jail together. Ho. Ho. Ho.
Some citizens of our fair cities have absolutely no idea of what an officer can or cannot do. They aren’t plumbers, electricians, alligator wrestlers (don’t ask) or allowed to shoot your neighbor’s noisy Rudolph carousel. Give your poor overworked 9-1-1 dispatchers a break and don’t call unless you have a real emergency. And no, we won’t haul away your six foot Christmas tree or help you take down your decorations. Anyone have any chocolate?
Gail Koger – slightly psychotic ex-dispatcher
I bet you get all kinds of weird calls into dispatch.
You have no idea! People wanted us to come out and fix a plugged toilet, repair their electrical system and get the alligator out of the pool!!
Gail
wow someone really wanted to make a wish on that bone 0-o
meandi09@yahoo.com
Families that fight together get to go to jail together!
Wow, if there’s anything worse then being a dispatcher I’ve never heard of it. It must feel great to put “ex dispatcher” up there. lol I think working with the public is the hardest and craziest job there is. Thanks for the crazy as hell
calls.
Carol L
Lucky4750 (at) aol (dot) com
wow…those are good stories. Thanks for sharing.
You are very welcome! It helps to keep me sane – sort of!
Gail
People are truly crazy!
Some people are really sort of nuts especially at Christmas. Oh well if you look it long enough it is actually funny in a way.
Christmas brings out the weird and weirder!
Gail
I can’t imagine being a 911 dispatcher. I thought that answering to “mom” was bad enough…
The world is full of idiots and apparently they all know how to dial 911.
You kind of expect it from kids but the adults are the worse. They even call to complain about their phone bills!
LOL…folks really should keep those lines open for emergencys only. But I guess they kept you entertained…
barbbattaglia at yahoo dot com
I wrote down all the weird calls and almost got a TV series out of it. Bummer – Hollywood is a fickled lady
wow that a good one and then sound like my famly
I know you don’t miss being a 911 dispatcher. All the crazies you had to deal with can make for some very entertaining stories. Have you used any of those stories in your books yet?
Thanks for sharing with us today I realy enjoyed your post
flanagan@Mebtel.net
LOL…911 please…I’d like to repost a heartattack over my wifes credit card bill
LOL!!! That job must have kept your idoit meter running!!!
I actually had one lady call about a spider in her bathroom. I told her to get a fly swatter, rolled newspaper or shoe and kill it. Well, she calls back wanting to know what to do with its little dead body!! Oh for Gods sake – flush it down the toilet!
Gail
I bet that job is NEVER boring lol
You need more than chocolate… I would want alchohol. I know some of the resue calls I’ve gone on are enough to send me the liquor store
~Brandy
brandyzbooks at yahoo dot com
wow! what a job and those stories….lol Thanks for sharing! Happy holidays!
shadowluvs2read(at)gmail(dot)com
Wow! The wishbone brother thing sounds like an incident we had here years ago where one brother shot the other over the last of the Cheerios… and they were adults. Family brings put the crazy in some people I guess. :S