A car accident back in August left my budget busted. To stretch my limited funds I headed to Wally World for some Christmas shopping. I wasn’t expecting to be sucked into The Twilight Zone.
My first clue that there might be some problems was a lady leaving the store in a bio-hazard suit. Okay, I’ll be the first to admit I get a good laugh from the pictures posted on the People of Wally World website. So I shrugged it off as she was one of “those” colorful individuals.
Big mistake. The front entrance should be declared a bio-hazard disaster area. I mean, my God, how many men find it that necessary to hock up a wad before entering? I tiptoed around the slimy mess and grabbed a cart.
The cart had a mind of its own. I wanted to go straight and it didn’t. One look at the other carts littered with dirty tissues, empty beer bottles and some kind of slimy green stuff and I knew I was stuck with my defective cart.
Yanking and shoving I managed to get the cart inside. The wheels were loose and emitted a loud thwack, thwack, thwack as I pushed it down the aisle. Babies began crying, old people turned off their hearing aids and I got nasty looks from the other shoppers. Right, like I’m enjoying this?
I nodded politely to a hairy, bearded man wearing an awesome blue satin evening dress and tiara. He gave me the Queen Elizabeth wave. I waved back and smacked into a three hundred pound man in a speedo. “Sorry!” Boy was I sorry. I never, ever wanted to see that again.
I quickly dragged my cart down the next aisle. Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! A little kid ran screaming for his mommy. Maybe I should forget about Christmas this year.
Two shrieking, teenage girls drag racing in the motorized carts zoomed down the aisle, seeing who could knock the most boxes off the shelves. Where the heck was security? An old geezer in a uniform huffed after them. Oh dear God, is that what I could look forward to in my “golden” years?
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! The cart suddenly veered to the left and I took out a display of Christmas ornaments. The bulbs rolled in every direction. Oh crap! I smiled nicely at the harried clerk who rushed over. “Sorry.” She let out a long sigh, like I do this for $7.50 an hour? “It’s okay, it happens all the time.”
A pounding headache hit and I headed for the pain medications. I yanked the cart around to the next aisle, reached for the aspirin and my jaw dropped. An older dude with a Santa Claus beard had just mooned me. His pants hung so far past his rather hairy behind I don’t how he kept them up at all. His wife just stood there examining a tube of hemorrhoid ointment. He probably was a pain-in-the-butt.
The teenage girls whizzed by again knocking over a display of mouth wash. You know, home baked cookies made wonderful gifts. I abandoned the cart from hell and left. “Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas,” the greeter shouted after me. I broke into a run.
Gail Koger – queen baker
I needed a good laugh…very humorous misadventure. Wally World made me think of Chevy Chase in National Lampoon Vacation with all their misadventure on the road trip from Hell Wally World.
Michelle B. aka koshkalady
purrpurrkoshkamb(at)aol(dot)com
Sometimes my life is weird beyond belief.
Gail
lol lol I visually imagined it all. Thanks for the laugh. Sometimes t
he tension of the Holidays calls for your creative thinking.
Carol L
Lucky4750 (at) aol (dot) com
Thanks for the laugh
And that, my dear, is why employees and shoppers alike have dubbed the retailer, “Wally World.” So much amusement in one place, you can’t possibly contain it all.
LOL!! Thank you so much for the laugh…Sometimes going in there is like going into a circus..literally!!! It sounds like this misadventure was in the morning hours…It rocked!!
Thanks for the laugh, it is always interesting to go shopping there that is for sure.
all i can say is OMG…………….AWESOME
Strange but true. That place is weird beyond belief
The problem with Wally is that we’re a captive audience to the place! I scream every time that I go there, but they have me by the =4t8vjmnrilk9pe. Other than the Dillons in my small town, Walmart is where the food and sale action is! Woe is me…
I know. With my budget I need to shop there but yikes! It’s like Alice in Wonderland.
Gail
I’ve seen these scary guys. Funny and true.
Too funny thank you for sharing
The scary thing is – these situations really happened! Ewwww!
Gail
OMGsh… I am laughing sooo hard!!!
~Brandy
brandyzbooks at yahoo dot com
My jaw dropped when that guy mooned me. It was ewwww!
Thanks for the laugh! have seen some situations like this.
scary huh?
lol Great post! Thanks for the story. hehe Thanks for the laugh. I didnt it! Thanks for sharing! Happy holidays!
shadowluvs2read(at)gmail(dot)com
I cannot believe all the stuff that goes on there. Scary!
Gail
lol yep that sounds about right for a trip to our local place of rolled back prices. But our adventures usually involve at least 3 women with 6-7 toddlers underfoot who are to busy on their cell phones to notice all the runny noses and opened products the kids have.